HR Menace.

What does an HR person do?

Since the inception of the realization –‘Now I have to enter the real world’ ,which was a year ago , the above mentioned question has grown to the size of a tumor in my brain, that is not shown on a X-Ray and has deviated  a lot of my veins /other vital organs up in there and has resulted in the creation of a planet. This ‘Tumor’ is a planet and is the universal homeland to all the HR people and their likes; whom I and those of you who would relate to my experiences have encountered respectively.

I’m sure a lot of you out there have had this ‘HR tumor’ planet once in their heads.
You want to get rid of it but you can’t…..unless you find a job.

 No, this isn't an imaginary planet because its tremors shake you up emotionally, spiritually and physically such that you question your existence.

This planet doesn't revolve and rotate 24*7 as it is unsure of its axis. It is situational. It emerges from nowhere only when you’re seeking a job.

Trust me 'HR tumor' is such!

Here we shall talk about all the aspects of the life form that exists on this planet.

Human creation was complimented by the feeling of ‘resentment’. Adam and Eve were the first ones to experience this feeling. A lot has been done since then to get rid of this feeling. First God sent Sadhu’s, Priests, Monks, then doctors and counselors. However with economical and scientific progress it was decided to create specialized species that were trained to murder 'resentment'. This time God did it all wrong.

A lot of these species didn't practise what they were taught and became the sole reason behind ‘Human Resentment’ (HR).  While some of the species did the ‘Human Resource’  part (for which they were created) , the others took asylum in this planet called- ‘HR Tumor’.

An HR person is supposed to identify a talent and make sure it gets its due.

Now-A-Days you don’t even end up talking to the HR person sometimes. The conversation is restricted to the receptionist who knows no head or tails of what you want. These receptionists are told not to transfer the call to the HR by the HR themselves.  Either the receptionist  gives you a general email id like
jobs@xyz.com
careers@xyz.com
mail@xyz.com
opportunities@xyz.com  which mustn't have been checked since ages

OR  The receptionist would transfer you to some dark random extension which no one would answer as it would be specially designed for people seeking jobs. And at the end of it you would hear a “Leave your message” or the call would eventually go back to the receptionist and she would say, “XYZ isn't available now, please call after sometime. When you keep calling after every –‘after sometime’-type  answer , this  entire process is repeated again and again until the receptionist  saves your number and disconnects your call the next time you call her.

Worst case: The receptionist says, “Tell me whom do you want me to transfer to?”
You innocently answer, “Any relevant person would do as I don’t know anyone”.
Receptionist: “Sorry we aren't allowed to transfer calls if you don’t know the concerned person”.

THIS IS IT! You need contacts, a reference a Godfather most of the times.

If at all you manage to reach the  HR, they’d say ,  “we want experienced candidates”.
So if everyone wants experienced candidates all the fresher’s remain unemployed…. RIGHT? 

How about asking them- “How did you land up in your first job DARLING? Were you born with experience?”.  It is like GOD telling a couple, “Only experienced candidates are gifted with a child”.
Nice MBA schools and PG universities need experienced students, so in such a situation what does a fresher do?

These kinds of HR people might be employing their own people in the HR department as well.
They are the ones who reside on the ‘HR Tumor’ planet.

I don’t know whom to blame, the stupid receptionist, the lazy HR or the company? In my case and a few of my friends’, it’s the HR whom we always had to contact, hence the title of the post.  This post is applicable to all those Human Resentments out there in the eye of different positions.

Yes, there are those nice HR people in the real world but I yet have to meet them , when I do…. I will have another post .

For all of you who've got jobs through university placement cells , Congratulations!!
I’m happy for you if you think you've deserved it. You must know, there are a lot of deserving people who aren't ready to compromise with their talent and are struggling to carve their own way into their dreamland. I’m voicing my opinion through the perspective of those individuals.

Lastly I want to conclude this post on an inspiring note-
“The ‘HR Tumor’ planet will emerge sometime in life but you don’t have to get all depressed instead keep hitting all the time.  It’s only when you hit all the spots that you hit the right spot. You will meet a lot of retards but they will only make your life more biographical”.